_Quack's (not awful) WCG BLOG! (PT.I)
Okay okay, I have been getting tonnes of emails/texts/whispers/PMs/faxes/comments saying stuff like "omgsh Quack please please please do a NYC WCG review!" SOoooo I have given in to the pressure and here it is!
I guess it all starts the night wednesday into thursday. My soc proff (that totally wants to get with me) was like "Yo, Quack. Don't forget, you have a paper to write that is worth 20% of your grade." And I was like "oh well I guess I will stay up all night and write this paper." So I did that nbd. THEN I went to physics and found a nice place to take a nap while the proff talked about circuits. I found my way to the bus terminal after class and the guy was like "where is your ticket, noob?" And I said, "right here" and handed him my ticket.
The travel from Penn State Duck School to NYC wasn't too bad except for the fact that I had an isle seat next to some smelly new york comiccon (NYCC) nerd - this was my first of many negative interactions with nerds over the next few days. "Fricking ComiCon..." I was in and out on sleep but my panties were legit in a bunch...and I couldn't get up to fix them - so uncomfortable. I wish I was sitting in an window seat next to some biddy who would just freaking let me cuddle with her...
I arrived in NYC and Chubrub was mad as shet because the other players on our team were full blown re..tar..ded. We were all supposed to stay in this one hotel and just go over a few things before the match so we wouldn't get pummeled too badly by LPK. Buuuttttt chirssay was like 'ehh i guess i will just stay home today' and popz was like 'ehh i need to go get clothes' and then he never returned. So it was just chubrub and I walking around in some big scary city full of black people and homeless people who ask you for money "to ride the bus" when they actually mean they need like $30,000 to get on their feet. Poor guys, if they would ask for the right amount maybe they'd get it. They always ask for like...$1 which is smart if they want to still be hobos for the rest of their lives. On one dollar a day you can eat 3 meals of ramen noodles, and buy gum (for entertainment) for the rest of the day.
Used some public transportation (full of either really old people, weird people, or hipsters) and got to the hotel. It was actually pretty good for $70 a night. I was in a room by myself and chubrub got his own room - just so we didn't get too steamy before our big match the next day. We felt like the self control really payed off in the end. I was exhausted and decided to get a nice bout of 6hours of sleep before we would head out.
The way back to new york was okay - chubrub and i were really nervous on the train. We were so nervous we were shaking the entire train car - that is why the picture is so blurry. Here in this picture we have me on the far left and chubrub on the far right. When we got on the train we had enough room for a seat in between us; but as more people got on some fricking gay hobo hipster sat in between us which was a real shame because chubrub and I were whispering strats and tactics to each other - maybe if we got the chance to whisper more then we would've done better.
After the train we met up with Chrissay who lives in NYC and understands how the trains work and that he could get from his residence to Madison Square Garden (where we were waiting) but he decided for no reason to pay like $50 to take a cab from his house to where we were. We then walked to the Javits center which was a weird experience because we kept seeing people dressed as weird stuff wishing they were asian which I thought was fricking weird. Fricking ComicCon (weird as heck).
In this picture we have Chrissay and chubrub walking towards the Javits center. (RIP twintowers) Although it looks totally glass on the outside...there are actually walls on the inside and the sun doesn't come in that well so there was no glare on the screens.
However, something tragic happened once when I entered the Javits center. I went to the bathroom - trying to get that pregame poop out of my system. All was going well until I reached up to grasp some toilet paper for my soiled anus....nothing... I texted chubrub to come back and he said something like 'f off' or something like that..I think he thought I was joking. Our match was soon. Palms were sweaty. Mom's spaghetti. I had three options: 1) knock on my neighbor's wall and beg for some TP and hope that by their grace they would be willing to forfeit some of theirs for the sake of my anus. b) Stand up, do a goofy walk to the next empty stall and proceed to manage my "issue" &) Stand up and walk out like nothing happened. I decided to pick option 1. Thankfully the gentleman was super nice and even more thankfully is the fact that I didn't have to see that person's face - so I did not develop any kind of relationship with them that started with me in a very vulnerable position.
Once when we got on the computers I was having some problems getting my mouse drivers set up because I don't even know why. Also we needed to set up mumble and people's mics weren't working. I chose not to use the plantronics headset for a few reasons: 1) I did not want to promote their product when I am, in fact, a razer fanboy. b) They weighed like 2.25 kg and I would be uncomfortable. &) I felt too much like one of those people with the sticks that flags down where airplanes should go. My sound was turned all the way up and ice water was running through my veins and feathers. Here is a picture of popz, chrissay, and chubrub while we were setting up. Obviously chrissay was having the time of his life.
The match went pretty well. I did okay for not having any real warmup and goofy drivers and messing around with settings. I am also happy with how I played having not played any tetris before the match (my usual strategy). Looking back I think I should've just continued to awp like I have in years previous. We were not prepared at all...it was basically a new team with decent players and we couldn't really find a time to practice like... 3 weeks before the match. Not a great start but it was really nice to at least show up and scream "DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP" after every time I killed him. I had but one really good round where I almost pulled off a 1v5 on Port. I played well on port but everyone else decided not to. Which was fine because we didn't stand too much of a chance anyway. I was having a blast. One of the other good rounds I had is when ghandi was standing behind me making calls for me in my native language, "quackquackquackquackquack" the entire round.
Right after we lost and the GG's went down I stood up quickly and quacked at my teammates and told them to stand up, go over, and shake the other team's hand - you know...be good losers. (Well, at least better losers than Doop - that faqqot is the worst loser in the game.) We shook hands and I had the rest of the day to watch some of my fellow nerds play a little bit of CF.
I was watching and it was cool and stuff - while watching I realized why watching FPS games is so much better than watching RTS games: there is so much more passion during a match than any other game. The nerds that play these FPS games get all butthurt when they lose a round and they get even more emotional when they win rounds. In a starcrap match there is only a little emotion at the very end of the game - FPS is an emotional roller coaster.
I stuck around hammertime for the most part because I didn't really know any of these randy scrandy teams other than LPK. Doop just up and left to go pout in a corner after he and his team lost. He left his backpack at the WCG booth and I went through it and took some stuff - I will post what I took at a later date - it is very revealing so stay tuned!
Here is a picture of me giving a peptalk to 16oLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL before one of his matches. I stuck with him the entire game giving him some advice here and there. Yeayea Jeden put up a decent fight but everyone knew that HT would win no matter what. It was cool that they pushed it to a third map though.
So chubrub and I stayed to watch all of the matches - popz and chrissay peaced out because they are SUPER LAME AND NOT COOL. Like... why leave? I just don't understand.
The casters did an excellent job other than the fact that they were telling the team on the right hand side of the booth where all of the people on the other team were. Oh well though I guess its not their fault as much as whoever actually put it together. It was also cool to see Pinkdeath there supporting her BF 16oLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. Even though I am pretty sure she had no idea what was going on the whole time she was still there to support her supernerd boyfriend. It was a little bit of a shame that one of the casters "gaiboiGEX" was a SUPER ULTRA HAMMERTIME FANBOY and would jump on the chance to talk about HT any time he could. "omgsh hammertime is the best clan number one better than all kika miniping"
It was cool to see ralf lose his freaking mind against LPK because his mouse wasn't set up right. He was soooo shy timid and cute that he couldn't say 'I need a few extra minutes to warm up because my mouse sensitivity is messed up' instead he took the nice womanly approach of suffering in silence and raging every time he died. I think he played at least 9 or 10 rounds each with different sensitivities. It was cool to see EERRIICKK be like... the most professional one there at the entire lan other than myself. Honestly... the only reason I was rooting against HRG was because they were the only ones that had jerseys. It reminded me of the CPL lans of the olden days with CRT monitors and the top teams wearing their swag and the underdogs wearing their comfortable clothes.
The final game was pretty cool I guess. Ghandi plays like a total idiot. Did I already say that? Okay I did. Yea. He plays like he doesn't have a brain.
UltimatePOV could've done better at the LAN but he still played solidly.
It was funny to see uMaD get really angry on Eagle Eye or Ankara something (they're basically the same map) like that. I remember one time he typed "guys, im a solid player" when he was fragless and mav had already reached 10 frags.
Speaking of mav..... omgsh... this kid... so autistic when he plays. Like an idiot savant. If you know anything about savants you know what I'm talking about. They are really good at one specific thing - that is mav & CF. He would get kills and then stand up and say "WUDDERYADOINNNN??" It was hilarious how ridiculous and awkward it was. EVEN MORE HILARIOUS AND AWKWARD!! MAV HAHAHA omgsh mav (this guy lol...). He would be dropping the n-bomb like twice a round... I was standing behind him with chubrub and we heard it and just looked at each other, "did he just say what I thought he said?" "he said the n-word right?" AND IT WAS VERSUS JEDEN! Priceless. It reminded chubrub of this from stepbrothers:
Also priceless was Erick after he had lost. I remember saying but a few things to him after his loss. He was about to tear up. He made a quick and hand-wavy excuse as to why he had to go away...but i could see the tears starting to congregate in his eyes - only being held back by surface tension and pride. (ralf was straight up bawling with his head down on the desk - making an adorable little puddle of snot and tears)
The CF LAN was over and my feet hurt from being at the LAN for many hours. So I grabbed my room key and headed back to the room for a nice relaxing afternoon of chilling. However, I got a little lonely in a room all by myself so I called an escort and we went over some of the replays.. looked over the forums together.. That was pretty much it. After she had read me some of Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" and sang me some songs by Sufjan Stevens she sent me to sleep and went on her merry way - and left at 10pm.
I got beautiful rest. Saturday the only thing on my agenda was to go to the VIP party with all of the CF players. Sleeping in felt very nice - especially because I hadn't slept much (or at all) the past few nights. So I hung out more with HT with 16oLLL, pinkdeath, uMaD, and mav. Unfortunately, me, 16, and pinkdeath got stuck watching WCG's cosplay contest... That was a fricking frickfrickfrickfest. Like... total mindfrick fricking frick. Ugh. Just... Here..now is where I struggle to come up with the words that decribe things. Let's just say... I saw bewbies hanging out of latex suits... pale buttcheeks speckled with nerdy cellulite, and super socially awkwardness being lathered in every interaction. There was no turning away. It was like...it was like.. childbirth... so disgusting but you just..can't look away. Like... "what. the. EFF."
Then there was the World of Tanks games... this.. was also a spectacle. It was just a bunch of old dudes playing a painfully boring 3rd person tank shooter game. Like... they're driving tanks...tanks are not very fast and they are not very interesting. There were a number of players that had either grey hair or no hair at all. It was pretty pathetic.
I'm sure their community is just as hyped up as ours about more competitive gaming coming their way though. Apparently the game is huge in Russia though. One of the WOT nerds said "1 in 5 of Russians have played the game." I am CERTAIN his statistics are shotty, but oh well. There was only one decently cool wot player. The rest were almost as socially awkward as the NYCC nerdvirgins.
Finally it was time to head over to the bowling thing. I appointed doop as the leader - you know... something to boost his shattered ego after losing and crying after the loss. We got there and this black guy was trying to be really personable - I guess he did an okay job..but I would have liked to not talk to him at all. I then realized that I am one of the older players in the game. I am one of the not many in college - there are a lot of players still in high school. I remember the HS days - I could put so much time into the game and it was so much easier to Nolife CF. I miss those days a little bit actually. Oh well. Swag yolo swagswag yoloyolo. School > gaming. Remember that people. Very important.
The player party was definitely the highlight aside from finally getting to play at a professional LAN. We were treated so well. They were constantly bringing excellent appetizers out to us - chicken, salmon, burgers, pizza, and drinks. Bowling was fun too - I would bowl the fastest in my lane - just under 20mph (just like umaD!). The lane was myself, 16oLLLLL, pinkdeath, and doop. Doop was absolutely terrible. ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. I think I doubled his score at least. I am pretty sure pinkdeath was cheating because she would bowl it and get tons of points without really even trying. I can't stand cheaters.
A piece of me was missing however. Chubrub was not there. He could not make it :(it would have been nice to bowl with the nerd I have been playing with since the 8th grade (I'm a junior in Penn State Duck College now) and the one who brought me into competitive gaming.
Some of the SC2 players from Complexity were there. They looked pretty awkward so I didn't feel like talking to them. Plus QXC said in an interview that he didn't want to do anything that would make him not better at starcraft. That to me says that he is willing to be a nolife loser just because of a videogame - I'm not down with that.
The WOT players were there and they were obviously really awkward. I should've gotten a picture with those freakishly tall girls (that actually were not very attractive but to some nerdvirgin i could definitely see how they could be considered so). That is one regret I have for sure - I had some really great ideas for pictures/poses.
It was late - and I had made arrangements to stay with the ubad/umad crew because it would be nearly impossible for me to easily return to my original hotel. We traveled back to their hotel and I stayed up with them for a little while - they had to tough it out and stay awake before their flight to philly then to texas or something like that. Travel isn't easy.
Sunday I had the entire day in the city to myself. I realized that I hated the city. I agreed with pinkdeath - there needs to be another plague that will wipe out over 30% of the inhabitants of this region. Too many people. I went to times square... i have so much beef with that place. Its stupid. It is just a bunch of commercials playing on some big buildings. Why would you like commercials? It looks so much better on film. Then there were tons of homeless people dressed as elmo and PooBear and Woody walking around giving hugs to tourists and getting tips. A black guy asked me for a dollar for the bus. I gave him one of those one dollar coins... they are not real money to me so I didn't care about giving it to him. The only reason I gave him anything was because he didn't look like a total bum. NYC is terrible because there is nowhere to sit. I understand they wouldn't have anywhere to sit because of all of the homeless people bumming but seriously I had been standing for a very long time - I just wanted to go home.
I went back to comiccon...realized that I hated the place.. then found food: two slices of pizza and a can of soda for $2.75. NOT BAD CONSIDERING A HOT DOG CAN COST $3.
Halal. These halal food people are hilarious. This might be the only redeeming quality of NYC. Standing on one corner you can see at least 6 people just having a cookout BBQ on the side of the road. That is the life man I tell ya. And if you look in the way of these guys they say "halal?" And they get progressively louder the closer you get to looking at them. "Halal?! HALAL FOOD?!?" I swear if you ever make eye contact with them they'd throw a fit: "HALAL FOOD! COME GET HALAL!! HAAAAALAAAAAALLLLLL!!! KEBAB!!!!!" 10/10 for those guys living the life.
Finally it was about time to get on my bus. I avoided as many of the NYCC nerds as much as possible with their obscure anime signed posters and paper mache charizards in the shape of weiners used for...who knows what.
So, there you have it! I had a blast. 
Now, go check out part II!
LOVE,
_______Quack
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tl;tr 
pictures were funny though. them mad photoshop skills. 
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