CrossFire RF Story Entry: Critique

Glaci0us · May 2011

Please critique my story for the Rival Factions writing contest. I typed it up in roughly thirty minutes. Things to improve? Inconsistencies with the main Rival Factions storyline? I think I did a good job, but I would appreciate any feedback.

http://www.mediafire.com/?0g5xeuodnkzle3x

There is the link to download the .doc version of my short story.

For those who don't wish to download, here:

MrShad · May 2011

The info at the top with everything but the key info censored reminds me of Black Ops Campaign, lol.

pretoguy · May 2011

MrShad wrote: »

The info at the top with everything but the key info censored reminds me of Black Ops Campaign, lol.

lmao i was going to say the same thing other than that i luv it xD

Phenatik · May 2011

cLassy story good sir. I approve

Aimoperative · May 2011

I got some good editing help from RawarJefrakin...or something like that. He's pretty good (brutal) when it comes to dissecting a story/essay/paper for literary correctness.

Glaci0us · May 2011

I've seen a few grammatical mistakes in the one above (it was on this day that they selected...grammar pl0x). I'll work on it and re-submit before the end of the competition.

I tried to stick to the main storyline with the details (there's one line in the Rival Factions previous stories where Ghost says he's from England...mentioned Australia because Michael Norman is from there...Ghost was in the S.A.S. because he always wears a S.A.S. mask...). Should I not do that? Should I stick strictly to the story?

Also, ideas for my next one (the competition allows for two)?

I am either going to do a similar one for Sir Alex Roid (tying in him meeting with Ghost, perhaps, as they were both in the S.A.S.), or extend the current storyline. The 600 word cap prevents any R.T. action I would really want to do, though, so I'm unsure...

Suggestions?

laurens14 · May 2011

yeah nice story.
but it should by nice if there was a winning story with the new challenge mode so that its in ore cf in june just before the holidays

crusader13cf · May 2011

Newer knew Ghost was a S.A.S. O_O

Glaci0us · May 2011

laurens14 wrote: »

yeah nice story.
but it should by nice if there was a winning story with the new challenge mode so that its in ore cf in june just before the holidays

Are you on drugs?

dAIKYU · May 2011

Nice story :-)

Glaci0us · May 2011

I guess nobody has anything bad to say? Aw, how sweet.

Railm · May 2011

Reminds me of the time when I used to know how to write, but I'm barely competent now., since I don't know what happened earlier. Regardless, Your story helped fill the gaps.

Apposite · May 2011

Good job =P

CrossFire RF Story Entry: Critique

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