Need to clear my mind...
Dosn't give a shiet what you guys think , need to write a lil bit to try to clear my mind.
The last 9 month's iv'e been strugling with really deep suicidal toughts (Started when i lost all , Made a wrong decision and broke up with my daughters mom , was homeless and sleept on a friends sofa untill 1.5 month's ago, currently im renting a apartment in
2th hand (That will say im renting from someone that either own the apartment or renting the apartment , in this case the guy own's the apartment)
And this guy , is trying to sell his apartment and there is big risk for me that
the apartment gonna get sold within 1 month (Everything points on it)
And ima be homeless again.
The suicide thoughts i have are really deep and i already tried to take my life
5 month's ago
(Swallow approximate 100-130 of my anti depresive and sleeping pills)
Woke up on the hospital after 48 hours and it showed up that my friend found the
suicide letter i wrote and realized that there were someting on going when
i in the middle of the night was on toilet for 30 min
and the suddenly just sneak out of her's apartment in the middle of the night.
She runned after me and more or less forced me in to the apartment while the
ambulance was on it's way and passed out on her floor
but the hospital guys/girls gave me someting (either it was pure coal or some mix of coal in liquide) which stabilized it on some way,.
If my friend didn't found me then i would be dead now i was on the edge to die.
After that i stoped with the pills and i woke up for a while.
but still not felt good , and the reality has come to me again.
Only got my daughter with me 2 days every week (Breaks me apart and i always breaks when i have left her with her mother)
got big sleeping problems , usaly dosn't sleep untill late night (02:00 - 04:00)
and wake up around 13:00 - 14:00 and it is a pain.
Dosn't got any work so have to live on welfare , yeah welfare in sweden are
good but still , i can't afford to buy new cloth's and i live on a hard budget
for what the money are going on.
I just know , that i can't take it anymore if im getting homeless again.
This time im gonna take suicide and i already planned on how to do it
(Sitting on a cheer while getting drunk with a thick rope around my neck (Already made one) and then pass out as i usaly does while drunk and falling forward , pretty simple and easy way.
You can go through hell a couple of times but after a while you either get crazy or you can't handle it. im on the very edge to not be able to handle it..
Hate how much you want ,
I know im patetic , but im actually trying to find other ways to tell about my situation
and see if this make's me a lil bit stronger (As i dose keep it for myself as i do IRL)
The last 9 month's iv'e been strugling with really deep suicidal toughts (Started when i lost all , Made a wrong decision and broke up with my daughters mom , was homeless and sleept on a friends sofa untill 1.5 month's ago, currently im renting a apartment in
2th hand (That will say im renting from someone that either own the apartment or renting the apartment , in this case the guy own's the apartment)
And this guy , is trying to sell his apartment and there is big risk for me that
the apartment gonna get sold within 1 month (Everything points on it)
And ima be homeless again.
The suicide thoughts i have are really deep and i already tried to take my life
5 month's ago
(Swallow approximate 100-130 of my anti depresive and sleeping pills)
Woke up on the hospital after 48 hours and it showed up that my friend found the
suicide letter i wrote and realized that there were someting on going when
i in the middle of the night was on toilet for 30 min
and the suddenly just sneak out of her's apartment in the middle of the night.
She runned after me and more or less forced me in to the apartment while the
ambulance was on it's way and passed out on her floor
but the hospital guys/girls gave me someting (either it was pure coal or some mix of coal in liquide) which stabilized it on some way,.
If my friend didn't found me then i would be dead now i was on the edge to die.
After that i stoped with the pills and i woke up for a while.
but still not felt good , and the reality has come to me again.
Only got my daughter with me 2 days every week (Breaks me apart and i always breaks when i have left her with her mother)
got big sleeping problems , usaly dosn't sleep untill late night (02:00 - 04:00)
and wake up around 13:00 - 14:00 and it is a pain.
Dosn't got any work so have to live on welfare , yeah welfare in sweden are
good but still , i can't afford to buy new cloth's and i live on a hard budget
for what the money are going on.
I just know , that i can't take it anymore if im getting homeless again.
This time im gonna take suicide and i already planned on how to do it
(Sitting on a cheer while getting drunk with a thick rope around my neck (Already made one) and then pass out as i usaly does while drunk and falling forward , pretty simple and easy way.
You can go through hell a couple of times but after a while you either get crazy or you can't handle it. im on the very edge to not be able to handle it..
Hate how much you want ,
I know im patetic , but im actually trying to find other ways to tell about my situation
and see if this make's me a lil bit stronger (As i dose keep it for myself as i do IRL)
Comments
-
Ok sir, you need to relax, and calm down, you can go to a shelter of some sort, and work your way up their too, sht im 17 i've thought of suicide plenty of times, but im still alive, just calm down, DONT TAKE PILLS, and sit down on a chair and take a deep breath and try to explain to the apartment owner the problem, dont take things too far here, there are plenty of ways , aim for the shelter one.
-
There's no point in ending one's own life, the only one chance you get to live in this beautiful earth and you're just gonna end it? Life is so valuable, you cant go to someone's body and re-live again. :P
Also think about your love ones, family, they're hella gonna be depressed and sad too.
Trust me, there are people who has way worse life than you. In Africa people are living in extreme poverty wondering if they have enough money to support their child. -
Don't do it man, u only got one life, think of all the good times u had before this sh*t happened and just hope that those days will come back, think of all the people that committed suicide and left their families in depression. Think of how your actions will affect other people.
Don't take your own life.
Stay alive.
Try to reconstruct your life and forget about the past no matter how hard it is to do, stay strong man, best of luck to you. -
truth?
You see the beauty of your creation 2 days out of 7?
Is this not a start for a reason to live?
I slept in the footwell of a carpark when I was homeless, and I know the depths depression can take you. If you want to drown in your self pity then to me that is an easy way out. Your child knows only love and should be a positive force in your climb back to normality.
Do not reflect on previous failings rather look at the positive things in your future. Begin with a part of you that only gives you love and be a man sir!
You remind me of a soul called Bart?
A poetic thought?
IF?
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son! -
Just think if you kill your self your hurting much more people such as your family and friends and you never know what they will do and like vixii said take each day one by one and sooner or later your luck will change you just have to look at the positive side of everything.
-
Don't troll, doesn't matter, nobody takes risks in these cases.Are you kidding, is this true?
ONTOPIC:
Don't commit suicide, really, don't. Because of my upbringing, all i can suggest is that you find something to live for (christians like me TRY live for Jesus Christ). I would advise Christ himself (e.g. try get into a church, small group, prayer group, talk to pastor, the lot.) simply because that is what i know to be true (don't troll me on this, this is my belief).
I cannot go into futher detail because of forum rules...and i don't think i'm allowed to give out e-mail address here... -
chill for a bit..i too had a rough life before starting cf..i was also suicidal and a full blown alcoholic man..to my suprise i met a few people in a clan yrs ago my age and a few states away with the exact same problems..ive been sober for 1yr 2mnths now..and as corny as it sounds if i didnt start playing cf i prob would have never met the people who helped me stop..just some insite
-
Hey man suicide is not the way to go. GO ask some freinds for help is what you need. Tell them about your situation. They may let you stay with them for a while. Find yourself a job and maybe take on 2. Youll slowly build up. finish school and get a degree. Finishing school is the best way to help you out on this one.
Dude whatever you do dont commit suicide. -
Aimoperative wrote: »Don't troll, doesn't matter, nobody takes risks in these cases.
ONTOPIC:
Don't commit suicide, really, don't. Because of my upbringing, all i can suggest is that you find something to live for (christians like me TRY live for Jesus Christ). I would advise Christ himself (e.g. try get into a church, small group, prayer group, talk to pastor, the lot.) simply because that is what i know to be true (don't troll me on this, this is my belief).
I cannot go into futher detail because of forum rules...and i don't think i'm allowed to give out e-mail address here...
mi with this guy ^ and the church can help you to ^^ they helped people a few times already -
on a sidenote: nowadays its not that easy to kill yourself by a sleeping pill overdose. pharmaceutical companies add small dose of vomitives into their pills. so if you are taking many at the same time, it will make you puke, even when being unconscious (ok, you can still get suffucated by your own puke, but i guess then it wasn´t meant to be...)
OT: everyone has bad moments in live. committing suicide will just deliver huge amounts of pain to people you know and love. get your act together and find a way. there is one. -
Ive got nothing against suicide. Its your life. Suicide happens when the "Pain of living is worse than the pain of dieing".
But...
Your a good bloke. Everything that's happening is a lesson. You will learn. You can and will overcome it. This is a growing experience, your getting stronger, you realize a lot more things.
Things in the world are about to get turned upside down, Hold on till that time comes, it'll be worth seeing.
Read and Remember This.
-
All i can really say is, dont do it, its not worth it...
if you cant find something in you that convinces you to stop, think of the pain you will cause your daughter, your family, your friends...
if you still think you dont want to live anymore, then im not gonna tell you other wise because i dont know exactly what you have been through -
Liqweedate wrote: »I can't believe I'm reading shit like this.
It's the 21st century god damnit.
I actually attend a spiritualist church and to some extent it helps, it all depends on the person. What is "shit" to you might be a good thing to someone else. -
I actually attend a spiritualist church and to some extent it helps, it all depends on the person. What is "shit" to you might be a good thing to someone else.
I'm ok with belief.
It's not OK however how an organisation profits of the naivety of certain people who are believing. -
Liqweedate wrote: »I'm ok with belief.
It's not OK however how an organisation profits of the naivety of certain people who are believing.
I think you'll find that is also up to the person believing, but the church I go to don't get any profit, it's all free and you can give a donation at the end (if you you want to) -
No its not.. Its ezpz and unless you're in some underdeveloped EU country like Greece or Portugal, you cleared the recession fine.
I got a job summer of '09, a mere year after the crash.
Theres always temp agencies which will get you through the day even if it might be slave work. -
No its not.. Its ezpz and unless you're in some underdeveloped EU country like Greece or Portugal, you cleared the recession fine.
I got a job summer of '09, a mere year after the crash.
Theres always temp agencies which will get you through the day even if it might be slave work.
I'm thinking in moving to America or UK when I finish my studies.
As far as it seems 99.9% of PT people can't find a good job around here. -
cute...
searching for attention on a f2p video game forum where the majority is <16 seriously?
if you want to kill yourself go ahead noone stops you
just get ur ass up, get a hair cut and look for a job honestly im a student and i have the oppurtunity to work at 3 different part time jobs without writing an application or showing them my grades
just wondering where do you live?
![[dot]](https://forum.z8games.com/uploads/customavatars/27/navatar_2942827.gif){kind=avatar}
![[Andre]](https://z8games.akamaized.net/cfna/forum/customavatars/93/navatar_3936893.gif){kind=avatar}
Categories
- All Categories
- Z8Games
- Off-Topic - Go To Game OT Forums
- 1 Z8 Forum Discussion & Suggestions
- 16 Z8Games Announcements
- Rules & Conduct
- 5.2K CrossFire
- 955 CrossFire Announcements
- 945 Previous Announcements
- 2 Previous Patch Notes
- 1.4K Community
- 122 Modes
- 602 Suggestions
- 85 Clan Discussion and Recruitment
- 274 CF Competitive Forum
- 19 CFCL
- 26 Looking for a Team?
- 705 CrossFire Support
- 52 Suggestion
- 116 Bugs
- 29 CrossFire Guides
- 166 Technical Issues
- 47 CrossFire Off Topic