Lols on a chat program

<Insomniak`> Stupid f*cking Google
<Insomniak`> "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search
<Insomniak`> "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search

<Mendo> lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
<spitfire> haha mendo
<spitfire> take a screen shot
<spitfire> wait
<spitfire> that made no sense

(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bast^rd.

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

<evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
<mcm310>: what is it?
<evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof
<evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
<evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
<evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands
<evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
<evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
<evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
<evilada>: And some poor bast^rd will be traumatized for LIFE.
<mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

<Malagmyr> This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
<Malagmyr> "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
<Malagmyr> "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
<Malagmyr> Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."

Comments

  • <Insomniak`> Stupid f*cking Google
    <Insomniak`> "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search
    <Insomniak`> "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search

    <Mendo> lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
    <spitfire> haha mendo
    <spitfire> take a screen shot
    <spitfire> wait
    <spitfire> that made no sense

    (morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
    (alec_eso): 1, morganj
    (morganj): bast^rd.

    <Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

    <evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
    <mcm310>: what is it?
    <evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof
    <evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
    <evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
    <evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands
    <evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
    <evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
    <evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
    <evilada>: And some poor bast^rd will be traumatized for LIFE.
    <mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

    random girl: hey!
    me: ...hi?
    me: who is this?
    random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
    random girl: ur hot
    me: thanks
    random girl: np
    me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
    me: what should I do?
    random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
    me: oh alright
    me: I have to go
    me: my mom is kicking me off
    me: bye

    <Malagmyr> This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
    <Malagmyr> "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
    <Malagmyr> "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
    <Malagmyr> Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."

    LAWL epic had a few laughs

    +1
  • Girl one made me giggle >.>

    Last one is pretty clever too :)
  • <Insomniak`> Stupid f*cking Google
    <Insomniak`> "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search
    <Insomniak`> "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search

    <Mendo> lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
    <spitfire> haha mendo
    <spitfire> take a screen shot
    <spitfire> wait
    <spitfire> that made no sense

    (morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
    (alec_eso): 1, morganj
    (morganj): bast^rd.

    <Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

    <evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
    <mcm310>: what is it?
    <evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof
    <evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
    <evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
    <evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands
    <evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
    <evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
    <evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
    <evilada>: And some poor bast^rd will be traumatized for LIFE.
    <mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

    random girl: hey!
    me: ...hi?
    me: who is this?
    random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
    random girl: ur hot
    me: thanks
    random girl: np
    me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
    me: what should I do?
    random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
    me: oh alright
    me: I have to go
    me: my mom is kicking me off
    me: bye

    <Malagmyr> This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
    <Malagmyr> "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
    <Malagmyr> "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
    <Malagmyr> Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."

    i ROFL'd on the last one, its like PERFECT
  • <MindSpark> So the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration
    <MindSpark> After handing them to him , he asks who the car belongs to
    <MindSpark> I tell him it's my wifes
    <MindSpark> He asks if I have an authorization, because you have to have some proof that you're allowed to ride a car that's not yours
    <MindSpark> I go "Sir, I ride the OWNER of this car personally with no authorization, do you really expect me to have an authorization to ride her car ?"
    <MindSpark> Officer hands me back the papers in silence and salutes me

    TRex-o: I want to settle an argument. Am I an invasive species?
    sjackso: invasive species reproduce

    <GOD|away> Crackheads will rule this country! We will rise up! And teach you all that we are the superior race...
    <GOD|away> WHITE POWDER!


    < Stalin> You could put out ads in magazines and online and such, guaraunteed 25-30 lbs weight loss overnight or your money back
    < Stalin> and then send them instructions on how to amputate one of their legs

    <M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
    <p5Ds13a06> you can't buy alcoholics
    <p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free

    <Gper>Anyway, mates what's your New Year resolution?
    <PowerBuddy> Gotta learn harder >.<
    <RoznaM> Less ****, more chicks.
    <Gper> Hej, Z, what's yours?
    <Ziame> Thought about 1280x960

    <windAd> haha, epic.
    <Choonsen> What is?
    <windAd> I set my password for my new keylogger program once it was up and running, got distracted by cooking ramen, came back and forgot the password
    <Choonsen> **** dude... you're ret@rded
    <windAd> Noo, its all okay... I just went into the log files and found out what I typed while in the program. Two minutes later I now know that my password was 'ramenalmostdone'

    < Nooblender> on an unrelated note i had to wake up early after staying up late to have breakfast with my hot nieces, so i went to sleep at 8 pm but woke up at midnight, wtf
    < that_guy> on a related note do you realize how creepy 'hot nieces' sounds?

    <yajmele> Oh my god....I was fooling around with my boyfriend the other night....
    <yajmele> Right when I grabbed his c0ck, we heard the "get item" sound from Legend of Zelda.
    <yajmele> It's apparently his e-mail alert on his phone.
    <yajmele> It took us 20 minutes to stop laughing. The timing on that was impeccable.