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this is funny, i wrote it

My Mutated Monkey

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Sam. He was an average boy, 12 years old, did ok in school and had many friends. He had good marks in his reading and writing, average at others, but math, was just not his “thing”. He claims that he is not oblivious, but many say he is. He liked to read books of fiction/fantasy, and was not very athletic. He could count by twos and tie his shoes, and lived in a red brick house on 123 Fake Street. But one day, he met a sorcerer named Harry Duick. He looked like Moby ****, but could work with magic and had circular glasses. He did not believe that Harry could do magic, and so Harry worked his magic “abracadabra!” chanted Harry, and teleported Sam to La-La Land.

Sam was nearly laughing when Harry said “abracadabra!” But when he suddenly saw colourful twirls around him, he began to get scared. At first he thought it was an illusion, but when he suddenly appeared in a land full of ice-cream and candy canes, and many weird objects, he pinched himself really lightly, as light as if he was picking up a piece of tissue, and he shouted “OUCH!!!” He had tears in his eyes because of the pain. He was worried now. He explored the land. A few minutes later, Pein appeared in front of him. Pein is Nagato controlling Yahiko’s dead body. He said “abracadabra jutsu! Art of Summoning!” Mr. Tinkles appeared in a puff. “Kage Bun Shino jutsu!” shouted Mr. Tinkles. A few shadow clones appeared beside the cat.

Sam was horrified now. The cats charged towards him. He ran. A few steps later, Sam was huffing and puffing. He was extremely tired. The cats caught up by walking beside Sam, who was sprinting. One of the Mr. Tinkles slightly pushed Sam by bumping him when he brushed against Sam’s side. Sam screamed “OUCH” again. He was bawling his eyes out now. He was lucky that he did not fall into the puddle of chocolate beside him, because he weighed 315 pounds, and was really big, and wide. But what he was unlucky about was he was cornered in a gigantic ice cream cone. All the Mr. Tinkles had blocked the only way out. Sam was wide eyed and trembling. “My great grandmother could crawl faster than you walk!” insulted the cat. The boy’s lips were shaking. “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” That was a really lame joke, but Mr. Tinkles still laughed. His master though, was getting impatient. “Get on with it!” yelled Pein. “Fine, fine, fine,” Mr. Tinkles rolled his eyes. Then, with the other cats guarding the exit, the original cat charged towards him, his fist ready to punch. Sam messed up his face in a horrified way, and then closed his eyes, bracing for impact.

A second later, Mr. Tinkles had gotten very close to Sam and had brought his fist down! But then, his fist had stopped just an inch away from the boy’s nose. Mr. Tinkles smiled, and then poked the boy’s nose. “Super poke!” said Mr. Tinkles. The cat giggled “what? I’m bringing it back!”, then returned to Pein, and disappeared in a puff. “Feel PAIN!” he shouted, as he disappeared in a puff too. Sam sat there, dazed, his face still screwed up in that horrifying way, where his upper lip touched his nose, and his chin became all bumpy, and his eyes became just barely visible, with tons of wrinkles on his forehead. His lower lip would be curled to the bottom left, with his lip twisted, and a few other indescribable details.
A few minutes later, Sam got up and started to walk around, gingerly and cautiously, muttering gibberish. He soon spotted Harry sitting on a humongous candy cane shaped as an arch. “Hey! You found me already!” he said. “Oh well, I will always over power you, so you shouldn’t bother me” said Harry. “You bring me back to my world, you evil weakling!” shouted Sam, braver than he thought.” What?! I am no weakling! I shall destroy you!” shouted the enraged Harry. Sam screwed up his face again. “Ayaah!” continued Sam “No! Please don’t! I am sorry!” The boy cried. “Well, you did apologize, so I will tell you what, you must go through the Chuunin exam to prove me that you are worthy of my mercy!”
“Where is the Chuunin exam?”
“It is the land of chocolate”
“Ok”
“Bye”
“Bye”

Sam walked around, passing many signs. He passed Hole puncher lane, Cup cake drive, Clock street, Lego lane, Water bottle avenue, he also passed General Grievous, but didn’t notice that annoying cyborg glaring at him, he was just lucky that Megatron had wiped that smirk off the cyborg’s face by, well… you know how. (That boy is indeed oblivious because he didn’t even take a glance back) After a long time, he still never encountered any sign that led to the land of chocolate or even said anything that was related to that. About an hour later, he found a sign that said: The Land of Brown _ _ o. Sam thought that it was the land of chocolate, but he wasn’t sure, because even though there were brown smudges that look like chocolate that covered the two letters after Brown, he wasn’t sure if it was the right place. Afterwards, he took a few steps into this Brown Land, but everything suddenly started to smell really… weird, so he had a feeling to not go in any more, and he went out. He traveled 30 minutes more, and then he saw a tea cup filled with tea just sitting there, on a rock! He loved tea, and remembered those other times he spent with tea… Aaahh, holding that tea cup with his pinkie sticking up, in that dull way. He finished day dreaming, and walked towards the tea. Suddenly, he felt some thing tighten around his ankle, and he began to be pulled up! He screamed very high pitched, even louder than a black board being scratched by long nails!

He was suspended in midair, hanging there, just by his ankle. He saw a man who had a mask covering his mouth, with his head band covering his left eye and he also had spiky grey hair. “Ayaah!” continued Sam as he screwed up his face again, “please don’t hurt me!” he cried. “Don’t worry, I won’t” said the man with the mask over his mouth”
“Who are you?”
“I am Kakashi Hatake, also known as the copy ninja, because of my sharingan” as he pulled up his head band, revealing a cool eye that kind of looked like a dot with three commas around it.
“Please let me down” requested Sam
“Please let me down” said Kakashi
“Stop copying me”
“Stop copying me”
“Stop it!”
“Stop it!”
“You’re annoying!”
“You’re annoying!”
“Grr”
“Grr”
Sam flailed his arms around and screwed up his face. Kakashi did the same. Sam cried out angrily “You dweeby dimwit! Let me down already! I am going to tell on you!” Kakashi stopped copying him. “Hey!” the ninja said, as he untied the rope to let the boy down. “I will punish you for saying that to me! I must not be on your bingo book huh?” Kakashi ran towards him, as Sam screwed up his face even more. The copy ninja clapped his hands together with his index and middle finger up, and his ring and pinkie fingers down, and shouted “A thousand years of pain!!” as he jabbed his hands up Sam’s “derriere”

“Ayawalaa!” cried Sam. “Ok you have served your punishment” said Kakashi. *sniff sniff* Sam then asked Kakashi where the Land of chocolate is. Kakashi told the boy that the last time he saw it; it was behind a giant arch-shaped candy cane. Sam though back to when he found Harry sitting on the candy cane, and he started muttering gibberish again. After thanking the ninja, he retraced his steps to where he had seen the giant candy cane.

Sam went by the weird smelling Brown Land, going past the wreckage of the cyborg, still being dimly oblivious, he passed Water bottle Avenue, Lego lane, Clock Street, Cup cake drive, Hole puncher lane, and finally, he saw the giant candy cane. He went under the arch, and saw a building there, with the pathway guarded by many clone troopers. “Haja Haja” Sam said enthusiastically as he jumped around, then he went in. He saw the Chuunin exam sign hanging from the ceiling, and he went to the examination sign-up desk. After he signed up for the Chuunin exam, he went to go read a few comics at the comic store beside the desk, since the exam would start in 10 minutes. He found a comic that he was interested in, it was called “The Clone Trooper” Once upon a time; there was a clone trooper who hunted for his food, because his jet pack was broken. Then one day, his jetpack worked and he flew back to Coruscant. And that was the end of the story. As he sat there, waiting, he heard a rap music playing in the background, called Boba Fett rap, by Two Pack. “My backpack, it’s got jets! Well I’m Boba, the Fett...” then suddenly, “The Chuunin exam is starting now, I repeat, the Chuunin exam is starting now, all candidates please go to room 120”

When Sam heard that, he walked down to room 120. He felt adrenaline pump up in him as he entered the room. “Welcome to the Chuunin exam” said a ninja who had written his name on the board behind him. Ibiki was his name. “This test will be testing your survival skills, and if you pass, you will become a Chuu--” “Hi!! My name is Naruto Uzumaki, and I’m going to beat you all!” interrupted a boy who was wearing an orange sweater. Everyone in the room glared at him. “Be quiet!” said a pink haired girl. “But--” a dark haired guy wearing a blue top stepped on his foot on purpose. “Sasuke!!” he cried. The pink haired girl covered his mouth and flipped him down. *Eh em* Ibiki cleared his throat “As I was saying, if you pass this test, you will become the Chuunin rank!” Sam sat there, waiting for the test of survival to begin. Following Ibiki explaining some other things, the test finally began.

The point of this was to get to the building in the center of a forest. The building was in a big crater in the ground, and there were tons of steps to descend to get in the building. Once inside the building, you will be safe and will have passed the Chuunin exam. Sounds easy huh? Well in the forest, there were many dangers that would be encountered. Sam’s plan was to run as fast as he could to the center of the forest. He was about halfway there, when Chuck Norris came out from behind a tree. Chuck said “I am cooler than you!” Sam got angry. “No you’re not!” he cried. Chuck Norris did not hear him that time, and he did not hear him 3 more times, so Sam yelled into Chuck Norris’s ears “You’re so deaf, you can’t even hear!” Unfortunately, Chuck heard that and screamed a scream of rage, when unexpectedly, Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan all came out of nowhere lightning fast and kick Chuck Norris in his buttocks. Sam continued on, then abruptly, a laser bolt whizzed past his head, missing it by inches. “Pew, Pew, Pew, bzzoing, bzz, bzz” Sam heard laser blasters close by, and he went in the direction to see what was going on. What he saw was a battalion of clones, accompanied by Obi-wan Kenobi, Plo Koon, Anakin, and a few other jedi deflecting bullets that were coming from the army of *gasp*!

HITLER!! Sam had always disliked Hitler. He did not like anything about him, what he did, his hatred of peace on Christmas Day back in the Great War, his hatred of Jaraiya powning him in the 2nd Great Ninja War, and his hatred of Akatsuki kicking him out of the group since he did not prove to be worthy. He even detested his hair style and his mustache! “Oh well, whatever, I just want to go complete the Chuunin exam” he thought out loud. He continued to go to the center of the forest. For the rest of his trip to the center, he did not encounter anything that was a threat to him. He saw many birds, some squirrels, another teacup filled with tea sitting on a rock again, but he did not dare go near it. When he got to the clearing to what looked like the middle of the forest, he was amazed at how much stairs there were there. There were definitely more than 200, no doubt more than 300, absolutely more than 500, positively more than 1000, certainly more than 2000, surely more than 3000, and indeed more than 4000. Sam guessed there were around 5000. Well, he started this loooooooong trip down, when all of a sudden; Tai Lung appeared in front of him. “Eeekk!” Sam shrieked.

“I am Tai Lung!” the tiger said. Sam yet again, screwed up his face. “I am the Chosen One!” cried Sam, trying to sound brave and scare the tiger. “Oh! Hahaha, what are you going to do to me? Chosen one?” He said “chosen one” in a mocking tone. “Sit on me?” He laughed once more. Tai Lung pounced on Sam, as how Hobbes would pounce on Calvin, then the two rolled down the 5000 steps. At the 1230th step down, Sam rolled on top of the tiger, smothering his head with the padding on the boy’s behind. Tai yelled “Ayaah!” They continued to roll down, Sam crushing the tiger in the arm and stomach. Then they hit the bottom, Sam sitting on top of the unconscious tiger, a bit dazed. Sam got up, staggered around, extremely dizzy, but managed to get to the building’s doors, then he opened them, and went in.

He was greeted by darkness, and then the lights were turned on. A master ninja walked over to him. “Congratulations for passing the Chuunin exam” he said. Sam was handed a certificate which he signed, then the master ninja signed. He took the certificate and followed the ninja to a portal, which teleported Sam back to the Chuunin exam building. Sam walked outside to where the clones were standing, and then went under the candy cane arch, and look back. Harry was sitting on top of the arch for a second time. Sam said happily “I have taken the Chuunin exam and passed it! I am now worthy of your mercy! Send me back to my world now!” “Oh great! You are worthy of my mercy! But wait” continued Harry “I cannot send you back to you home yet” Sam screwed up his face for the umpteenth time.