Crossfire Inspired Story Updated weekly!
Comments
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There are a few plot holes... Such as jihadism in Brazil... Well that's just one of many I could begin to nitpick.
Another thing to point out is the inconsistency with military terminology and responsibilities/capabilities. An example would be: "B-52 Bombers being packed full of supplies, soldiers piling into apaches,"
I would like to point out further instances of discontinuity with your permission, including grammatical. I just want to help out.
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There are a few plot holes... Such as jihadism in Brazil... Well that's just one of many I could begin to nitpick.
Another thing to point out is the inconsistency with military terminology and responsibilities/capabilities. An example would be: "B-52 Bombers being packed full of supplies, soldiers piling into apaches,"
I would like to point out further instances of discontinuity with your permission, including grammatical. I just want to help out.
thanks for feed back yes you can this is only my first chapter im still doing working on it not doing some research. but my main goal was just to entertain the readers though so terminology etc is not totally accurate ill try and make it better and keep doing more research
and as for the jihadism they are not in brazil but connected in plans to attack.. and as for grammar there was no spell check on my school computer so next few chapters will be way better as I work fromhome and have more time -
There are a few plot holes... Such as jihadism in Brazil... Well that's just one of many I could begin to nitpick.
So the guy was a part of operation desert storm at the age of 8?
Also, if Brazil wants to advance on North America, why in the world would they start by nuking it? -
MisterMunzta wrote: »So the guy was a part of operation desert storm at the age of 8?
Also, if Brazil wants to advance on North America, why in the world would they start by nuking it?
its a fictions tory alright don't get hung up on stuff merly is for entertainment use ur imagination.. ima just keep doing my thing -
MisterMunzta wrote: »So the guy was a part of operation desert storm at the age of 8?
Also, if Brazil wants to advance on North America, why in the world would they start by nuking it?
Actually a nuke was set off in Mexico. We don't really know if it was from Brazil or not... Only what Lt. Clutch assumed because of the intel that Brazil has been secretly amassing "radioactive material". Lol we don't even know if it's a nuke. It could be a dirty bomb with a little nuclear payload for all we know.
I'm thinking that it was le Black Hats... Which I'm assuming is an official organization in your story.... vs Anonymous white hats. And then probably le black hats used some sort of AQ cell to set off the bomb.
Lol I could go create my own story hahahahahaha.
Also I'll give my full critique about background later tonight or something -
Actually a nuke was set off in Mexico. We don't really know if it was from Brazil or not... Only what Lt. Clutch assumed because of the intel that Brazil has been secretly amassing "radioactive material". Lol we don't even know if it's a nuke. It could be a dirty bomb with a little nuclear payload for all we know.
I'm thinking that it was le Black Hats... Which I'm assuming is an official organization in your story.... vs Anonymous white hats. And then probably le black hats used some sort of AQ cell to set off the bomb.
Lol I could go create my own story hahahahahaha.
Also I'll give my full critique about background later tonight or something
okay I forgot a major part of my story xD that will help understand it more this story mostly symbolizes things in cf ill edit and explain.. also 9 if you can add me on fb or something ill start sending you my prewrites and **** we can work together on this or something and pry make it **** ton better -
No offense, but I'd expect a much higher level of writing from someone who's in college.
Needs better spelling and grammar. Too many fragments. Don't get me wrong, I love fragments, but not like that. Style seems too affected, which makes the entire narration seem (even) lame(r).
No offense, just my two cents. -
I'm normally not one to complain about grammar, but bad grammar just becomes way more annoying in larger texts.
So I'm sorry to say this, but you made me lose my will to read after a few lines. I even tried reading on, but still didn't make it past the first paragraph -
Nobody likes it,,
/REQUEST DELETE
Don't just ditch your story. Use the comments to improve it. Clean up your grammar, make sure there are no plot holes and ask for a new opinion. I guess you put some time into making the story in the first place, so it would be silly to refuse putting some time into improving it.
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